September 30, 1979 (Sunday)

From running log:
No entry, did not run.

30 years later:
I confess that I don't recall this Saturday from three decades past. I imagine that I was still licking my wounds from the previous day's race in Richland Center. I had expected to excel on that course, but it had been quite the opposite. How does a teenage boy reconcile lofty expectations versus mediocre peformance? Typically by getting really angry. After all, when you are a teenage boy, every negative emotion is rapidly translated into anger. At least with anger you feel powerful and masculine ... and at that age we are in constant doubt about both.

Perhaps it was for the best. Reading back over my running log I can see the pattern developing: I was getting worn down, from consistent hard training and not getting enough rest. I was never very good at sleeping, especially at falling asleep. I'd lie awake and obsess over the day, or over the tasks of the next day. I was pretty hard on myself, for a lot of things: not running up to par, getting even one answer wrong on a quiz, making a fool of myself (again) in front of some girl I liked, arguing with my roommate Ben, treating my three younger sisters badly ... Sigh. Over the years I've mellowed somewhat, but these characteristic traits stick with us throughout life. I was and still am able to contain some of the anxiety both by being active and by making detailed plans. Some of my not-falling-asleep was due to my mind spinning away making those plans. I'd have been better off getting a good night's sleep and just winging it.

It was the last day of September. In high school cross country, moving into October meant moving towards conference championship races. September was for getting yourself into shape, October was for reaching a peak. We had a goal, it was time to achieve it.